I found myself talking to my wife this morning. That’s not unusual, but today… it was different.
I have talked to her many times in the two months since she went home to be with Jesus. It would usually be a comment. Something like, “Oh baby I miss you.” Or “I know you’re happy, but I still miss you.”
I’m not unique. Just about everyone who has lost a spouse has such moments. I suppose the longer couples are together, the more difficult it is. We were married for more than fifty-three years.
Today I just started talking. Nothing planned. It just came out. I was alone in the car when I started talking out loud.
I had been to the grocery store. Shopping had been a chore I never enjoyed. For Corrine, it seemed just the opposite. She would wander slowly, looking, thinking, planning. It seemed better if she did it alone. She agreed, and usually went by herself. It was a system that worked for us.
Now of course, I do the shopping. It’s not a chore really, but I get in and get out. The old adage of ‘hunter – gatherer’ is fitting for my style of shopping. Going to the grocery store spawned memories that led to me thinking about what she might be doing.
I Just Started Talking
I’m not sure exactly how it started but I know I started talking to her about what it must be like. I mentioned the Glory. I know I mentioned how much I am looking forward to being with her again. I told her the day would come when I will join her and we’ll be together.
I mentioned that while her assignment here was finished, mine is not. God has things for me to do. I don’t know what all that involves, but God does and He will show me.
There are assignments, and I believe He has shown me a couple already.
I told her I’m looking forward to being together again. The work left here, however long that takes, will likely be only moments for her. Time works differently in Heaven. As I think about it, I believe that is a good thing.
As I look back now, I believe that she knew way before I did, that her earthly assignment was ending, and she would soon be with Jesus. There were more than a couple of times in the past year that she would say, “I can’t lose. If I get better, that’s great. I’ll be here with you. If I die, I get to be with Jesus, and that will be wonderful.”
The Hospital Was Hard
The last days at the hospital were difficult. We cared for her needs when the nurses were busy trying to help other patients.
There was a lot of praying. We all talked about her. Mom, grandma. She was listening. I know she enjoyed hearing familiar voices.
There were not a lot of tears. They would come later. We gathered as family and tried to make the minutes be the best possible minutes. We all understood that those minutes were running out.
For Corrine, there was a special peace that I believe everyone noticed. A calmness, even in the moments when more medicine was needed.
She shared the love she had for each of us. Words of love, kindness, caring. She did not want any of us to feel sorry for her. Corrine knew where she was going. She was finishing her race. She knew there was a great reward just ahead.
I remember asking her to tell me if she sees Jesus. I wanted to share that moment with her. She never did tell me, but there was a moment, right at the end, that I sensed the presence of something special. I saw some things that I am still trying to understand.
God is so merciful. I know she is enjoying His presence. I pray I finish my assignment(s) with the same grace Corrine finished hers.
Corrine knew that God is Love. She showed how true the word is. “Perfect Love casts out fear.” She was never afraid.
I pray that all will enjoy the peace of God that my wife enjoyed. Not only in their final moments, but into all eternity.